thus wrote

i've been meaning to blog the past few days but i never felt like i was actually ready to. everything seems to be a blur and i don't seem to have the right words to express what i've been currently feeling, and for me, when that's the case, it's always better to hold it in than to say seemingly sensible yet senseless things.

i've come to know so many things about myself in the course of, hmm, about 20 days, i guess. i've realized many answers to long standing questions, yet a few new questions have also sprung up and are looking to replace the long standing ones.

i've been using the words "sh*t" and "f*ck"a lot more often, and by my expressions you can tell the current state of my life. before it was "oh my gosh", then it was "shocks" and then "shizz", followed by "damn" and "gawd", and now those two.

of all the things i've come to realize the past few days, it's this that i'm most proud of that i realized and, in a manner of speaking, accepted.

the one effin word to describe me:
repressed


sad. yet liberating. in a controlled, held back, weird sort of way.