and so i had starbucks again.

and it felt so different.

dee's been asking me to go grab a cup of starbucks with her but i've been putting it off. i told her that going to starbucks has become a bit symbolic for me. and, well, since i'm almost practically broke, i'd rather buy clothes and shoes than spend so much on a cup of coffee and a doughnut.

yesterday we went to starbucks because ledz and i had to discuss some things. and it felt completely different.

for a very long time i've been craving for a starbucks frappucino. just because. or probably mostly since i've been binge eating and shopping out of sheer frustration these past few days. anyway, since yesterday was a particularly cold day, i opted for a cappuccino, which i also like, and what seemed suitable at the moment.

dee bought a dark mocha frap, which, when i got a sip of, suddenly made me think back and semi-regret my decision of getting a hot beverage. that in this case was mostly foam than coffee. which would've probably made some people happy, but i'd rather get more of the coffee than the foam. but i like their cappuccino anyway, and an additional two packets of brown sugar made it just right for my taste.

sometimes we want things so bad we'd do just about anything to get it. we exert effort, we wait, we spend money, we invest time, things like that. but later on, only to find out that when you're already there, everything is just different. it's not as perfect as you pictured it to be, not as wonderful as it seemed, not as worth all the time and effort you put into it. and suddenly you realize that you're full of what-if's and if-only's about how you could've done something more productive, how you could've waited for something bigger, how you could've saved all that cash, and how much more you could've done with your time.

i realized just now that when i got my cappuccino my first thought was "ay, kalahati lang" with reference to the amount of coffee in the cup, but not the foam.

at least i still see it as a half-full cup, and not a half-empty one.

it's just that sometimes, it's so hard to ignore the fact that your cup looks so empty especially when the foam has settled down. and since your friends have cups that look and feel heavier and a lot more full than yours.

this point in my life can be summarized in that one (half) cup of cappuccino i had yesterday.

probably why i bought that instead of a frap. for some realizations and another blog entry. and to save a good forty bucks.