losing number 40

tonight, despite my endless rants on how miserable my current situation is and how nobody can have it any worse than i do, i was given a golden moment where i saw, not just a glimmer, but a great big shining beacon of hope.

i lost the number 40. that small laminated piece of paper with a number on it that you get to safeguard while the baggage counter in the grocery store safeguards your black bag with the purple and green dolphins where you had to put your beloved water container. i lost it.

if you know me, you know that's not something that usually happens to me. but tonight it did, and i was so overwhelmed by fear (if someone else claims my things i'll never see my dolphins again), guilt (oh no they're going have to have another number 40 made) and utter disappointment in myself (such irresponsibility).

i didn't even know it was the number 40 until the man in the black shirt told me, very patiently, as dee and i stormed the baggage counter with raised voices and panicky faces. he was very kind. i thought he was going to test me on what the baggage was, what was in it, yadayada. but he was very calm, and sympathetic, and very understanding, and all he did was get my bag, put it in another spot, and hand me a new number. this time it was number 44 and i kept it snug inside my wallet and inside my bag.

the fee for a lost number was only P50 (which they said i could pay later), which was a sigh of relief in itself, as i did not have to sacrifice my dinner, which i had been looking forward to all afternoon. still the guilt was endlessly gnawing at me for having lost the laminated blue piece of paper with the number 40 on it.

my P50 never made it out of my wallet, as the guy who was at the baggage counter told me that black shirt man said it was all okay. i insisted, of course, as the guilt was now ever gnawing at my insides, but, after speaking to black shirt man, he said he believed it to be an accident, and that it was okay, and wished me a good evening. i thanked him and left, with a surprisingly light heart that drowned out the gnawing guilt and all the frustrations of the day.

i could have easily afforded the fifty bucks, and he could have just accepted it and i could have left with no feelings of guilt whatsoever. but he chose to send me off, nonethepoorer, with some guilt left, but with a much needed boost.

in not making me pay P50, black shirt man taught me that there are still people who readily trust other people, even if they lose numbers. he also showed me that money isn't everything, and that numbers can easily be replaced. and more importantly, he gave me hope that my much ridiculed idealism is not such a crazy thing to aspire for, and that i should just continue to work towards that, because there are people like him. no matter how rare, they exist, and contribute to making the world a better place. at least to those few who experience terrible days and lose number 40's along the way.

i do not know him at all for me to pass a judgment on him. but i appreciated the simple act he did for me and would like to write of it to preserve it my memory - as a reminder, that the simple things we do may mean mountains to other people.

mr. boy samson, i thank you for trusting, for understanding, for still allowing my stuff to be kept safe, and for not taking my P50. you saved me so much more than just the money. i am deeply grateful for that. and i am terribly sorry about losing number 40. i did, however, return number 44 safe and sound.

p.s. i hope someone returns number 40, if they find it.





here's to a renewed sense of spirit, and to looking forward to more days like this.